KNOW THE TYPE OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE INTO

Now that you have this framework in mind, you’re probably wondering how your closest relationship measures up along these dimensions.  Read these brief descriptions, and for each one, see which comes closest to your closest relationship. Don’t peek at the ratings until you’re done:

A) TEST YOURSELF WITH HONESTY BY CHOOSING THE NUMBER RELATING DESCRIPTION OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

1.  You have been together for several years, still feel very close and connected emotionally, but do not always feel the same passion toward one another as you once did.

2.  You have a strong sexual drive and a need for physical and romantic contact with each other, but do not feel very close to each other. You have not planned for your future together, and in fact have not even thought about any form of long-term commitment.

3.  You have been married or cohabiting for a long time and still verbally proclaim your love for each other, but admit to having lost much of the emotional connection, as well as the sexual desire that you once had.

4. After more than 6 years together, you are as “in love” as ever. You remain close and connected, very sexually and romantically bonded, and are completely committed to each other and to your relationship.

5. You have been together for only a couple of months, and although you feel you have become close and are connected emotionally, you have yet to become passionately involved or think about your future commitment.

6. You are in love and have a strong sexual desire for one another, are very close and connected emotionally, but have yet to discuss any future plans that would include a decision to commit only to each other.

7. You have been together for a while and are planning on staying together. You continue to maintain a healthy and satisfying sex life, but say you do not feel very closely connected where emotion is concerned.

B)  NOW LETS SEE THE RESULTS...............................

Interpretation

1. Companionate Love

2.Infatuation

3.  Empty Love

4. Consummate Love

5.  Liking

6.  Romantic Love

7.  Fatuous Love 

How did your relationship rate? It’s possible that you don’t fit completely into one category, as these are the extremes.  You can use that triangle to plot your relationship’s exact point.  Higher on intimacy and passion but not quite ready to make a commitment means that you’re starting to move from romantic love and into the consummate region. 

This example shows that just as it can be useful to find out where your relationship fits in the triangle, it’s also helpful to remember that relationships are rarely static over time.  You don’t have to give up on a relationship that’s fatuous or empty because the relationship lacks either intimacy, passion, or both.  At least one study, though conducted on undergraduates (Madey & Rodgers, 2009), suggests that intimacy and commitment contribute to relationship satisfaction. Research on long-term relationships suggests, further, that passion in the form of wanting to be near your partner continues to predict a couple’s satisfaction.  You can dial up or down the dimension that’s in need of adjustment by working on that function of your relationship.

If you want to take this even further, ask your relationship partner to take this quick quiz. Perhaps you’ll be surprised to find out that what you think is an empty love is one that your partner finds has more passion and intimacy than you realize. Or you may find out that the relationship you think is consummate is one that your partner finds lacking in one of the three crucial dimensions.

Your partner’s happiness, as well as your own, can benefit from a candid discussion of where you feel you need to make those adjustments. relationship education though intended for premarital counseling, can also help long-term couples gain skills and knowledge to prop up their ways of handling communication and conflict resolution.