Being a Good Parent
There are
many ways to raise happy, well-adjusted kids, but science has a few tips
for making sure they turn out okay. From keeping it fun to letting them
leave the nest, here are 10 research-based tips for good parenting.
No
surprise here: Parents who express negative emotions toward their
infants or handle them roughly are likely to find themselves with aggressive kindergartners.
That’s bad news, because behavioral aggression at age 5 is linked to
aggression later in life, even toward future romantic partners. So if
you find yourself in a cycle of angry parent, angry baby, angrier
parent, try to break free. It will ease your problems in the long run.
Parental guilt is its own industry, but avoid the undertow! Research suggests that self-compassion
is a very important life skill, helping people stay resilient in the
face of challenges. Self-compassion is made up of mindfulness, the
ability to manage thoughts and emotions without being carried away or
repressing them, common humanity, or empathy with the suffering of
others, and self-kindness, a recognition of your own suffering and a
commitment to solving the problem. Parents can use self-compassion when
coping with difficulties in child-rearing. In doing so, they can set an
example for their kids.
When the kids fly the nest, research suggests it’s best to let them go. College freshmen with hovering, interfering "helicopter" parents
are more likely to be anxious, self-conscious and less open to new
experiences than their counterparts with more relaxed moms and dads.
That doesn’t mean you should kick your offspring to the curb at 18, but
if you find yourself calling your child’s professors to argue about his
grades, it may be time to step back.
If you’re a parent with a significant other, don’t let your relationship with your spouse or partner fall by the wayside when baby is born. Parents who suffer from marital instability, such as contemplating divorce, may set their infants up for sleep troubles in toddler hood, according to research published in May 2011 in the journal Child Development. The study found that a troubled marriage when a baby is 9 months old contributes to trouble sleeping when the child is 18 months of age. It may be that troubled houses are stressful houses, and that stress is the cause of the sleep problems.
If you’re a parent with a significant other, don’t let your relationship with your spouse or partner fall by the wayside when baby is born. Parents who suffer from marital instability, such as contemplating divorce, may set their infants up for sleep troubles in toddler hood, according to research published in May 2011 in the journal Child Development. The study found that a troubled marriage when a baby is 9 months old contributes to trouble sleeping when the child is 18 months of age. It may be that troubled houses are stressful houses, and that stress is the cause of the sleep problems.
If you
suspect you might be depressed, get help — for your own sake and your
child’s. Research suggests that depressed moms struggle with parenting
and even show muted responses to their babies’ cries
compared with healthy moms. Depressed moms with negative parenting
styles may also contribute to their children’s stress, according to 2011
research finding that kids raised by these mothers are more easily
stressed out by the preschool years. The findings seem glum, but
researchers say they’re hopeful, because positive parenting can be
taught even when mom or dad are struggling with their own mental health.
A close relationship with their mothers
can help keep boys from acting out, according to a 2010 study. A warm,
attached relationship with mom seems important in preventing behavior
problems in sons, even more so than in girls, the research found. The
findings, published in the journal Child Development, highlight the need
for "secure attachment" between kids and their parents, a style in
which kids can go to mom and dad as a comforting "secure base" before
venturing into the wider world.
The mommy bond may also make for better romance later in life, as another study reported in 2010 showed that a close relationship with one's mother in early adolescence (by age 14) was associated with better-quality romantic relationships as young adults. "Parents' relationships with their children are extremely important and that's how we develop our ability to have successful relationships as adults, our parents are our models," study researcher Constance Gager, of Montclair State University in New Jersey, said at the time. "So if kids are not feeling close with their parents then they're probably not going to model the positive aspects of that relationship when they reach adulthood."
Teens who talk back to their parents may be exasperating, but their argumentativeness is linked to a stronger rejection of peer pressure outside the home. In other words, autonomy at home fosters autonomy among friends.
Don’t worry, though: The study doesn’t suggest that kids should have adversarial relationships with their parents. In fact, a secure bond between teens and mothers is also linked to less bowing to peer pressure. Teens need to practice standing up for themselves, the researchers reported, but they also need support from their parents.
The mommy bond may also make for better romance later in life, as another study reported in 2010 showed that a close relationship with one's mother in early adolescence (by age 14) was associated with better-quality romantic relationships as young adults. "Parents' relationships with their children are extremely important and that's how we develop our ability to have successful relationships as adults, our parents are our models," study researcher Constance Gager, of Montclair State University in New Jersey, said at the time. "So if kids are not feeling close with their parents then they're probably not going to model the positive aspects of that relationship when they reach adulthood."
Teens who talk back to their parents may be exasperating, but their argumentativeness is linked to a stronger rejection of peer pressure outside the home. In other words, autonomy at home fosters autonomy among friends.
Don’t worry, though: The study doesn’t suggest that kids should have adversarial relationships with their parents. In fact, a secure bond between teens and mothers is also linked to less bowing to peer pressure. Teens need to practice standing up for themselves, the researchers reported, but they also need support from their parents.
Nobody’s
perfect, so don’t torture yourself with an impossibly high bar for
parenting success. According to a study published in 2011 in the journal
Personality and Individual Differences, new parents who believe society
expects perfection from them are more stressed and less confident in
their parenting skills. And no wonder! Make an effort to ignore the
pressure, and you may find yourself a more relaxed parent.
Everyone thinks they know the best way to raise a child.
But it turns out that parenting is not one-size-fits-all. In fact, kids
whose parents tailor their parenting style to the child’s personality
have half the anxiety and depression of their peers with more rigid
parents, according to a study published in August 2011 in the Journal of
Abnormal Child Psychology. It turns out that some kids, especially
those with trouble regulating their emotions, might need a little extra
help from Mom or Dad. But parents can inadvertently hurt well-adjusted
kids with too much hovering. The key, said lead researcher Liliana
Lengua of the University of Washington, is stepping in with support
based on a child’s cues
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